The unnecessary letter !

It feels like a couple of light years passed..
Yet I stand here in the same old place,
Where it smell of rotten wood pieces.
Everything is more pronounced now.
The perpetual despair,
My pale solitude,
The suicidal instincts ..
My dear,
It hurts ..
To be deeply emotional and be a cold rock
at the same time !
To love unconditionally and to hate you even more.
To let you break my heart even while I am bleeding to death.
I have storms inside..
The kind which sweeps away everything.
Yet I keep calm.
I panic when happiness visit me
I am scared to be joyful
Maybe,
maybe I am a spiritual heir of an abandoned soul from the islands of past !